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For as much as I want to romanticize the idea of soulmates—this fascination with a kind of sameness that persists within all of our souls that allows us to love each other unconditionally—it couldn’t be farther from the reality of human social interaction. One of the most important realizations of my life is that our best and most fulfilling lives operate both by the mind and the heart—not equally, not more or less in either direction, but they are inextricable from one another. Just because we think in our minds that we can be with someone, does not mean our heart will be compelled to do so. And so often is the case that we piece together something in our minds, and when we go to do it in reality, our heart balks and resists.

There are many things that we consider vain and shallow—judgments pertaining to physical attractiveness, social awkwardness, or social status. While some of these judgments vary in validity within the scope of humanity and in the questions of asking ourselves what we should do, they do not vary in validity to the heart; they are all the same. If it feels wrong, it usually is wrong, at least for ourselves. This is most certainly not to say that there aren’t critical moments in our lives where overriding emotion with reason is the best thing we can do for ourselves; after all, it is where all of the tension of life, and thus the meaning of life, comes from. But, as we understand from free will and the human condition, the will of the mind—the origin of what to do and why—has to come from somewhere, and conversely, the direction of the heart—the fate which our emotions lead us toward—has to come from somewhere.

So, no. We can’t just be friends or romantic partners with literally anyone we want in life; in fact, there is no choice. We are all inextricably intertwined by both fate—the chance we will cross paths in this life—and by compatibility—the circumstances that have shaped who we are and thus, our attraction, our ability to socialize with one another, and whether or not we can find comfort or solace in one another.

Do not waste your mind and heart away in lamenting the natural course of the world. I have a responsibility to focus my energy where it matters most, and I will not ignore it any longer.