An Update
It’s been over a half year since I started this blog. I have no doubt that it has been one of the most important commitments that I’ve made in my life. It has given me clarity and confidence in thought, a reason and a will to press on, and vision and purpose in the scope of my life. Some of the oldest posts in this blog originate from my journal, which I began in December of last year. While to some degree I yearn for the carefree and freely expressive nature of journaling, it doesn’t put me on the hook; it neither provides any form of accountability nor any sense of generosity on my part. It didn’t take me long to realize that I’m emotionally mature enough and ultimately far too self-aware to benefit from the emotional venting characteristic of journaling; I seldom must write my feelings down, either to make sense of them, or to mollify the unrest that emerges from the heart.
It’s also been two months since I started working for Proof. I am extremely grateful to have stumbled upon work that I can be proud to do, an organization that I can be proud to be in, and people that reciprocate love, kindness, and sensitivity. Despite approaching the opportunity with skepticism and stoicism—having learned the mistakes of my previous venture back into Paris Baguette in 2021—I do recognize that to some degree I have once again formed an emotional attachment to the work itself and the outcome of the work. Sometimes, in moments where my eyes have glazed over by weariness, or where I’ve simply detached myself from the reality of the present moment, it all feels like a dream—interposing memories of Jon’s entrancing loquaciousness and knack for storytelling, realizing that I’m actually here with the man himself, and ultimately engendering in myself the confidence that I can make a positive difference here.
I have decided that I can be at peace with the idea of committing my heart to do what it is compelled to do. I understand that it limits my bandwidth and my emotional energy that was originally focused into these reflections, and I wish to embrace that temporary limitation. And while I’ve garnered a profound sense of connection to the work and the people that now surround me, in my mind, I also vow that I will take the due diligence to frequently pause and remember—that even if all is lost, if nothing works out, and if everything is in vain—that I still have plenty of time, resources, and opportunities ahead of me to accomplish the mission I originally set out to do six months ago.
To any of you that follow this blog—while it was never the true intent of it to gain publicity or accumulate following—thank you for dedicating a portion of your life, however miniscule, towards reading what I have to say. And to those of you that I know personally, thank you for being part of my life, and part of my story.
