Volatility

My emotional volatility is generally very low. In the vast majority of circumstances, whether in work, daily life, friends, or family, I am content, stoic, and grateful that I’m able to be here at all, even to suffer.

But there exists one catalyst in particular that never fails to instigate a relentless and inexorable chaos within my heart—love.

My mind is inundated with the heart-wrenching thoughts of finally finding my soulmate, of the warmth ensconced within their soul, of satiating the surly and voracious beast that prowls within me. And in that moment, I realize that I cannot control how I feel. My mind can only intercede, but this intercession is but a measly rock amid rapids, merely diverting the torrent of emotion that rushes downstream.

In that moment, it is a fateful choice between full-fledged, brutal war with the heart or submitting defeat entirely, consigning myself to be being helplessly dragged along by it on an unknown path.