219

Suffering is inevitable, but misery is not.

Misery is an abject form of suffering, wherein one subjects themselves not only to the raw physical and mental stress of an outside event, but also to layers of bitterness, dejection, and hatred that warps and devolves the world around them, eliminating any possibility of redemption, of change, and triumph.

We can avoid misery by simply remembering that in every moment there is a choice—a choice to do only what’s in our power to do, to remember what makes this life worth living in the first place, to eschew our preconceptions of the world and the people around us, to see beyond the nebulous clouds of our emotional state.

218

It only happens once, and there is only one chance to capture it.

And in every chance is an opportunity to see things differently, to see something about ourselves that we haven’t before, or to share something that’s worth sharing.

216

For so many of us, culture defines we are. It determines our conception of right and wrong, what we believe, and why we believe it; it is the difference between joy and misery in sufficient or insufficient circumstances alike. It is the setting and the premise of every story that we write for ourselves in this life.

And if we are to change another beside us, or, better yet, the ones that will come after us—to help them see the way we see things, to help them believe what we believe, and to know what we know—we have to change the culture.

215

“Sorry” ceases to make sense if we believe that things couldn’t have happened any other way. If the world, and our minds, are locked into an inevitable course, one event causing another, then what is there to be sorry for?

But “sorry" is not so much that we are apologizing for what has been done, or that we truly believe we had it in ourselves to do things differently, but more so that we vow to do better next time—that our mind and our heart has been changed by the stark reality of circumstance, and of consequence.

214

The tendency to over-romanticize can strengthen affection.

Loneliness will only make the moment of finding the right person more momentous.

The discomfort associated with uncertainty will only make finding certainty that much stronger.

Self-doubt can become humility.

Self-centeredness can become assertiveness.

In all this, there is always a choice. And the choice is to see our traits neither as good nor bad, not deficient nor beneficial, but simply existing.

213

The very fact that we can even consider life as a facetious, non-serious endeavor—something that we can go about laughing with contempt, to wander blithely in ignorance, to denigrate the value of this world and those around us—is by the far most profligate display of our privilege.

For those that have to forcibly endure hardship after hardship, for those that are tormented incessantly by evil forces, and for those that wish for a modicum of the luxuries that we take for granted every day of our complacent lives—there is no choice but to take life seriously, if not for themselves, then for those that they love.

212

There are undoubtedly many things that we can interpret from social cues and nonverbal language. But we use them as clues, not as facts. They suggest a course of action for us, not demand them.

Our state of being, the fabric of who we are has become infinitely more complex as our language and culture has evolved over time. The amount of truth that we can grasp merely from the fragments of our intuition is miniscule. When there are vast networks of depth to our characters and values, innumerable subtle nuances and idiosyncrasies in our behavior, and countless inconsistencies in our perception when attempting to interpreting the world and people around us, how can we be so sure?

However exhausting or wearisome it may be, there is no substitute for taking the time to understand other human beings through honest conversation.

211

There is always a second chance—a second chance at thinking about things differently, so that we don’t have to suffer any more in the mind than we have to. In fact, there are hundreds, if not thousands of chances we are given in our lifetime.

Instead of thinking what things could’ve been in the world, think about what things could’ve been in our minds.

210

None of us are free from criticism, and none of us are free from the responsibility of giving it.

Our culture makes it difficult for us to be generous in a genuine, serious way. It is uncomfortable to point out what is wrong with both ourselves and those around us, what we can do better, and why. And yet that is at the very center of a resilient culture, of a beautiful society, and of a life worth living.

When we conflate criticism with antagonism, we destroy possibility. We undermine ourselves and everyone else in this collective quest to find truth, meaning, and purpose, for it cannot be found by wallowing in misery, by being mired in conflict, or by basking in complacency.

209

Another day lived with kindness, humility, gratitude, and mindfulness.

And another day I can rest easy.

What more can I ask for?