Nonexistence (The Other Half)
We always ask someone what they did today, but we never ask someone what they didn’t do today. We seldom dare to venture into this daunting infinite, this formless potential, this confounding and dark realm of negative possibility—not what we do, but what we don’t do; not what we say, but we don’t say; not what we should do, but what we shouldn’t do; not who we are, but who we aren’t. It is an unendingly compounding list of the nonexistent, for which—even with all the time in the world—we could never possibly muster the mental fortitude to conjure up all the reasons to justify such nonexistence in the world, the people around us, or within our very own state of being. Sometimes, there is nothing to be said, and nothing to be done. But that tells as much of a story about what has been said, and what has been done.
We have no choice but to delve into such a disquieting, mystical realm if we are to at all make sense of our true nature. Who someone is or was, or what someone did or does, constitutes a superficial understanding of their identity and proclivity as an individual. If we do not understand who they weren’t and who they choose not to be, what they didn’t do and choose not to do, and why, we cannot truly understand another human being. And these components of identity are seldom elicited through the presentation of self within society; the average small talk, conversations between acquaintances, a social media bio, a resume, a job interview, or the awkward first date all seem so glib because of the shallow understanding of individuals derived from solely focusing on what is, who we are, and what we’ve done. It only tells half of the story of the human condition.
We can only truly claim to know someone if we’ve spent the time to observe them navigating through these endless torrents of possibility and circumstance. We better understand someone’s social life not only by understanding why they are friends with their friends, but why they aren’t friends with everyone else they came across in life. We can better understand someone’s belief system not only by seeing why they believe what they believe, but why they rejected everything else they could have believed. We can better understand someone’s motivation not only by knowing what their dreams and desires are, but why they couldn’t derive inspiration from anything else. We can better understand someone’s degree of mental fortitude not only by acknowledging their fears and insecurities, but all the reasons why they aren’t afraid of or insecure about everything else.
Perhaps actions undone leave a greater legacy than our actual accomplishments.
Perhaps words unspoken resonate louder than those spoken.
Perhaps what isn’t tells us more than what is.
