Authenticity

In recent years, I’ve been noticing just how pervasive self-help content has become within social media, primarily centering around this notion of self-love and authenticity.

Choose yourself. You matter so much more than what others think. 

Protect your own energy and self-worth. 

Embrace who you are and show up as you are. 

Get rid of everything and everyone that isn’t serving you anymore in life. 

But what does it even mean to be authentic? Do we understand which part of ourselves in particular we’re even being authentic to? Is there some essential, inherent part of yourself that is irrevocably and undeniably “you,” disparate from any external influence? Can such a concept even be possible to clearly define and thus express to others? What is our intention when we desire to be authentic? When we’re all clearly a product of our individual circumstances—circumstances that we have no control over—why are we presupposing that we are special in some way? What are we trying to get people to understand about us and our story, and why? 

No one can claim to be completely authentic within a social context. We consciously and subconsciously alter our self-presentation depending on the social context, who we are speaking to, and our emotional state at that moment. Do you present yourself the same way you do to your parents as you would your closest friends? What about your coworkers and acquaintances? What about your bosses or your teachers? What about a stranger on the street? So if we’re going to decide to be “authentic,” we need to ask ourselves who is the audience of such authenticity and to what extent they are receiving the most authentic version of you, whatever you may have defined that as. If we’re presenting a different version of ourselves to every type of person in our lives, can we still even define that as authenticity? 

The notion of authenticity—this endeavor to become completely honest and transparent with yourself and others about who you are—very quickly becomes blurred and disfigured in practice. While honesty with the self is indeed a vital step in improving as an individual, it is completely wrong to think that it is the only step; if we’ve truly looked at ourselves in the mirror and our introspection has made us aware of our underlying inadequacies and shortcomings as an individual, we also have to recognize that we have to do something about it. When we tell others to merely “be themselves,” “protect their own energy,” and “embrace who they are,” we are asking them to be complacent. We all have our own vices that we are not proud of. But giving up and merely accepting those vices as integral or essential to our very nature of being is an act of cowardice; we come to a conclusion that allows us to hide. We can’t put the tyrant away, but we can learn to put it somewhere. 

By necessity, most of us end up evolving as individuals over time. As a consequence, any presentation of  authenticity is ephemeral. Our perceptions of the world and thus our values and beliefs change because our circumstances change; as life progresses, we are forced to overcome challenges and constantly reconcile who we are with the people and the world around us.. The fact of the matter is that if we strive to be genuine or to be authentic—if we choose to commit to this intractable, selfish persistence of our character traits over time, regardless of the ever-shifting circumstances—we hamper our ability to adapt and interact with the world dynamically and thus generously. We need to be well-equipped to serve others in the best possible way, even if it means changing ourselves. 

When we squander our mental energy idolizing and chasing this elusive state of authenticity, we divert our attention away from what actually matters; we fundamentally misunderstand the purpose of all this self-help, self-love, and self-affirmation in the first place. Because there's far too much emphasis on self. Instead of this futile, selfish endeavor to get everyone around us to understand who you are or who I am, we should strive to understand who we are. 

Instead of being preoccupied with whether or not we have a unique voice and “sound like ourselves,” we can focus on how we can do work that matters for people who care. We should together acknowledge what roles we each play within these social circles. We should recognize our potential as individuals and as a group and what change in the world we’re capable of effecting, whether altruistic or malevolent. We need to discern what we truly want, not only for our own lives, but more importantly for each other, because none of us can walk this journey alone. None of us should ever blindly follow convention. But if we’ve all figured out that we’re heading towards the same destination already, then we should proudly walk alongside those people, in whatever version of ourselves that allows us to best contribute.

The best version of yourself or myself is within ourselves.