11/24

What is this rift, this chasm between the mind and the heart that has torn me apart?

In my mind, there is calmness, stillness, and peace. In my heart, there rages chaos and war.

I've found resolution, yet there persists conflict.

There is acceptance, yet there is also indignation;

contentment, yet desperation;

indifference, yet hope;

certainty, yet uncertainty;

autonomy, yet powerlessness.

11/21

As much as I dread this feeling, I must remember:

If there is no unknown, there is nothing to discover.

If there is no uncertainty, there is nothing to ascertain.

If there is no conflict, there is no resolution.

If there is no tension, there is no relief.

If there is no deficiency, there is no gratitude.

If there is no doubt, there is no faith.

If there is no suffering, there is no joy.

My self-awareness is but a cold comfort to this raging heart.

As if comfort was what I wanted anyway.

11/17

I sense a love that once again emanates from this heart.

What matters in the end is what I choose to do with it—

if there is even a choice to make.

11/16

I am okay with any outcome, but,

in my heart, there is only one that I want.

11/16

My heart wants so desperately to be understood,

For someone, somewhere, somehow, to understand who I am, what I feel, and why I feel.

Why is it so difficult to emotionally detach from this? Why is it suddenly so difficult, despite my vigilance and self-awareness, to dissuade myself from chasing this love?

11/14

“I need a next life—

not satisfied to know you just once.”

11/13

Regardless of who you end up being to me,

Or who I end up being to you,

I hope we can both say that we made each other better.

For whatever that actually means.

11/7

Why do I have a heavy heart?

Not engrossed by infatuation, nor consumed by desire, nor possessed by obsession,

But simply filled with a strange, peculiar longing for some kind of love,

shrouded with an uncertain, faint yearning to connect with another soul,

Or this momentous feeling that something—something that will change my life forever—is slowly emerging from the horizon.

What changed?

11/6

Humility opens many doors to truth, and arrogance closes many of them.

But the hardest part perhaps is realizing that there that remain open for the latter and remain closed for the former.

And since when was it the number of doors that mattered?

10/26

Every day is a chaotic, wayward dance between the mind and the heart.

It is all that makes life interesting, and simultaneously all that makes it miserable.